OH NO A TEXT ONLY POST. (sorry)
Being creative is really important to me. I find being in
spaces where creativity isn’t valued to be really tough going because it’s such
a paramount part of the way that I engage with an environment – it’s in my
choice of clothes, my approach to work and my hobbies, even the dynamics in my
relationships. However, being a creative person is also pretty tough on me –
most things I do feel like an extension of me, so therefore I take criticism
badly and can often shut off when I fear I might face it, which in turn can
have a negative effect on me.
I wanted to talk about creativity because it’s really
central to my own fat activism – I’m passionate about making things, playing
with my identity and producing content (both blogging, zines, and academic
writing) that creatively counters what institutions have put in place about
being fat. Mental health stuff means that being able to do this is very hard on
me sometimes, which explains why I am sometimes less present or vocal on here
and other places – sometimes what I deal with is just too tough and I need
substantial periods by myself to recoup and move on. I’ve not really spoken about
mental health and depression on here before, because it’s something I’ve only
just acknowledged myself.
Often I’ve felt as if the best way to counter these negative
patches is to make my creative output as good as it can possibly be – however,
as I’m also a perfectionist, I never seem to reach the lofty heights of my
ambition, so what I actually let out into the public realm is very limited. To
illustrate this, I thought about starting this blog for about three years
before I actually did – I’d been a part of fatshion communities both as a
participant and through selling vintage clothing on eBay (which I did alongside
my postgrad degree), and always really admired fatshion bloggers, but I wasn’t
confident in my own ability so I put it off. Eventually I was unemployed for a
bit and I started this space as a bit of a diversion – within a couple of weeks
and after a miniscule amount of self-promotion, my first readers (most of whom
are still here I think!) passed on my links and images, and I had an audience
which began to grow and hasn’t stopped since. This blog has become much more
than I ever anticipated it could be, and the support and kindness I’ve received
has always massively outweighed the critiques and fat hatred that I also
sometimes receive. I’m still very much not a “proper” blogger – most of my
pictures are unedited, badly exposed and generally full of questionable facial
expressions – but it doesn’t matter (maybe it would if I was trying to make
money out of this, I don’t know).
I love the blogging world because it’s accessible to a much
wider variety of people than traditional fashion platforms – I’m not saying
that anyone can blog, because I also know that it takes a certain amount of
resources to be able to do so (computer, internet access, camera, money for
clothes), but rather that some of the hierarchies that have controlled the
production of fashion culture have been removed. It’s a more democratic space,
even if there are still prevalent norms and levels of privilege that often go
unmentioned. I think the fashion industry looks down on blogs now, because
they’re two a penny and everyone and their dog has one. However, I think this
is what I love most about it. To me, I see a connection between this method of
communication and zines and other DIY methods of counter culture – I created
this space because I wanted there to be a fat fashion space that was also
politically engaged and budget/DIY focused, and because I didn’t know many
other similar voices out there. I used to have to imbibe substantial amounts of
fat hatred to get my fashion fix, but now there’s no need for that, and that in
itself is awesome.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – bloggers are
awesome, but we could be better. If you feel that your voice is missing from
the fatshion world and you feel that you have the time and resources to change
that, then do it! I’ll support you, and I know many others who will too. You
don’t have to be a fashionista to write a blog, you don’t even have to be a
particularly capable writer or photographer, and you certainly don’t need to
look a certain way, contrary to what you might think. One of the most powerful
aspects of blogging to me is the way that it has highlighted difference and
variety in body shape, personal style, gender, sexuality, ability and colour –
I love seeing how different people make a similar item of clothing work,
because it’s such a contrast to the way I see clothes presented in shops and
online (on a uniform, non-relatable body).
I guess that what I’m saying is to myself as much to anyone
else who’s gotten this far (congratulations!) – you don’t have to be perfect to
have a creative output (whether that’s blogging, art, academic work, craft,
music, whatever). I’ve always railed against the idea of perfection in
aesthetics (being in possession of what society would determine a flawed body),
and I guess it’s taken a while to apply this logic to my own creative projects
too. Process is a really important part of our creative growth, and focusing on
only the end point makes taking any steps towards it a very daunting prospect. If
you feel you have something that needs saying, then find a basic forum to start
working on it (whether this is yours or someone else’s blog, tumblr, a zine, a
painting or art piece, anything) and just take it one step at a time.
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